I think I’ve narrowed the experience of being in my twenties down to a single fear, which is: what if everyone I know becomes successful and loved and I don’t?
is the norm, not the abberation. The sudden tragic loss of life is always utterly shocking to the victims and their community, but white violence itself is the furthest thing from shocking. Almost all peoples around the world have tasted its bitter blood. It has been ongoing for five centuries, in massacres on all continents and all islands in all oceans. It manifests both as xenophobic racism where whites are the majority and genocidal colonialism where people of color are the majority. That’s practically what whiteness means: xenophobia at home, colonialism abroad. It’s what has largely shaped the modern world, yet people look around and wonder, How did we get here?
|On the internet:||Ugh I hate people so much
|Applying for a job:||I love working with people and I'm very sociable
do you ever have extensive daydreams in which you invent an entire alternate life/universe for yourself?
"Adults are terribly confused, messed up people. That’s because they forget, really, that they don’t have to pretend all the time. Really, the fact is that you’re not an adult at all - you’re just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don’t understand."
"Have you ever analyzed things to the degree where you can’t really remember the difference between what’s real and what you’ve created in your head?"
"Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile."